Illusions of the Sunlight
by onceinabluemoon0013
Summary: There can be no chaos without order, no good without evil. Such is the way of the universe. The Force flows through us all, in all of its peace and passion. - Leor Danal - Another Soulmate AU that nobody asked for.


**This is my first foray into this fandom, so please forgive any minor mistakes! I've had a lot of fun writing in this universe. I hope you enjoy the first chapter! (The summary quote and the mark were both found at SWFanon).**

* * *

The mark appears on his upper bicep when he is eleven years old. He has completed his first year of Jedi training with Uncle Luke ( _Master Luke, now_ , he reminds himself) when a burning sensation on his right arm jolts him awake in the middle of the night. He yelps and flips on the overhead light, surprised at what he sees when he examines the stinging limb.

The small, gray symbol consists of a four-pointed star, surrounded by what might be flames on either side. It feels familiar, skirting just on the edge of his memory, like a dream he cannot quite recall. His skin tingles when his fingertips brush across it, a pleasurable feeling starting at the mark and seeping throughout his entire body.

He asks Un– _Master_ – Luke about it the next day. His uncle's eyes widen, and he gazes upon his nephew with thinly-concealed wonder in his eyes.

"Do not fret over it," he replies eventually, still staring at the strange design. "It is probably nothing."

"Are you sure, Master?" he probes hesitantly, because one must never question a Jedi Master. "I sense that it is important, somehow."

"I am certain, Padawan. Think no more of it."

He tears his eyes from Ben's arm and rests a hand on his shoulder. "Now. Please recite the Mantra."

Ben resists the urge to sigh and straightens his back. " _There is no emotion, there is peace …."_

XXXXX

His dreams are a kaleidoscope of shapes and colors, a jumbled blob of images out of which he can make no sense. The only distinct characteristic he can make out is a pair of fathomless, hazel eyes. They gaze at him intensely, staring at him as though they are peering straight into his soul.

(He isn't sure he wants to know what they see there.)

A young girl's cries echo throughout the dream world, the sounds of heartbreaking misery reverberating within him and causing his own chest to clench painfully.

When he wakes, the emptiness he feels is almost unbearable, like a piece of him is missing. Something vital to his very existence.

XXXXX

His grandfather's voice whispers in his ear, urging him to join Supreme Leader Snoke, tempting him with promises of unrestricted power and knowledge.

He explains how he, too, had a strange symbol inexplicably etched onto his body. How he did not understand its purpose, until the day he met Padmé.

( _"She had a mark identical to mine on her left wrist. When our skin brushed for the first time, the euphoria that filled me was unlike anything I had ever experienced, before or after. I was finally complete."_ )

It is seductive, the thought of eliminating the loneliness that is slowly eating him from the inside out. He knows that Jedi are prohibited from forming romantic attachments (Anakin Skywalker's notorious fall from grace a prime example), but he cannot stop his heart from yearning for the person that the universe has predestined for him.

His perfect complement.

His soulmate.

XXXXX

Months fly by, and the voices in his head grow more insistent. Their promises of belonging and unlimited power call to him, appealing to the side of him that has always found the Jedi Code much too self-sacrificing.

He understands what they want him to do, and he agonizes over the decision. He cannot quite justify the slaughter of dozens of innocents just for one teenager's selfish desires.

On Supreme Leader Snoke's command, Ben again confronts Luke about the marking when he is fifteen years old.

"Master, what do you know of soul marks?" he inquires, managing to keep his voice calm despite his apprehension.

The guilty expression on Luke's face vanishes almost as quickly as it appears, but Ben has known this man for as long as he can remember, and he sees it.

Betrayal slices through him like a lightsaber to the chest.

He loses control, his anger dictating his actions. He barely registers Snoke murmuring in his mind, gleefully encouraging him to continue.

When he comes back to himself and realizes what he has done, he has already jumped off a precipice from which he cannot return.

XXXXX

Supreme Leader Snoke presents him with an infinite chasm of possibilities available to Force users not bound by the Jedi Code. Ben delves into his studies with fervor, desperate to distract himself from the self-loathing that fills him when he remembers what he has done.

Even with remorse eating him up from the inside, however, he revels in the sheer power he feels whenever he successfully completes a task set forth to him by Snoke. The training is brutal and demanding, but, for the first time in his fifteen years, he does not feel inadequate, does not feel like he is constantly coming up just short of someone else's expectations of him.

The first time he conjures force lightning, electricity pulsing through his veins, he cannot stop his mouth from curling upwards in a delighted smirk.

XXXXX

The dreams gradually become more coherent, the blurry images of his youth evolving into distinct pictures as he grows older.

Hot, dry sand stretches in every direction, mountains upon mountains of the stuff as far as he can see. Sweat trickles down the body of his dream self, his black suit sticking to his body uncomfortably. His face and neck are damp when he awakes in the mornings to continue training.

He still has not seen the face of the girl who haunts his dreams, her eyes the only fragment of her that he distinguishes with any clarity. He can hear her, though. He listens as she sings herself to sleep, her voice filled with a loneliness that mirrors his own. He wonders where she is, if the desert in which he finds himself every night is a part of her present, or a vision of their future.

XXXXX

As the years pass, he pushes the mark to the back of his mind and learns how to stop himself from dreaming, too preoccupied with following Snoke's orders and leading the Knights of Ren to contemplate those hazel eyes and where they might be.

He refuses to dwell on his parents anymore, content to pretend as though they do not exist.

(It's easier to live with his actions that way.)

He renames himself Kylo Ren, and he wears a mask so that everyone else will perceive him as the monster he sees when he gazes into the mirror.

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